We're leaving Bermuda early to escape another hurricane. Sigh. I anticipate seasickness on my part. Anxiety is mounting.

But on the good note, I've just spent two beautiful days in Bermuda. Yesterday I went to the beach all day, relaxed, got the best tan ever, swam in huge, crystal blue waves. And today I went snorkling. Fish are scary! They swim at you sometimes. And they hide under rocks and jump out when you get close! Almost as scary as koala bears, but not quite.

I've got so many Mandy updates, I don't know what to do with them all. Well, how about this. Mandy's ex, you know, that guy, is now seeing another woman... one that is on our ship. They've even changed their relationship status (gasp!), which has Mandy all distraught. But he still calls her, almost every night. And the other day, he left a message on our voice mail for the other girl, hehe, so Mandy wrote it all out and taped it to her cabin door. She was full of glee as she did it, too, because the other girl didn't know that the guy still called Mandy. Drama! I honestly wish I had a video of her to show you guys. You'd eat it up.

Since I don't have any fandom news whatsoever, which seriously sucks, honestly, I'm not being funny, I'm actually dying a little inside, let me tell you about ship life.

There are three classes of people, the Crew, the Staff and the Officers. I'm staff. The crew actually has a different mess than the Staff and the Officers, and aren't allowed to eat in our, though we are allowed in theirs. The sole thing that seperates these people from eachother?: an education. We are paid more, treated better, even have bigger cabins. And the fact that they can't eat at our mess is complete bullshit of a kind I can't even begin to describe.

When I'm at work, I am comfortable. There are kids, and it's nice and in public and happy and fun. Then my shift ends, I step out through the crew door at the back of the children's facility, and it's like I'm plunged into the underworld. The corridores and businesslike, clean, but empty aside from the people. The in-despair-I-wish-I-didn't-work-here-for-nothing-but-gratuity people. And I don't blame them one bit. Today I had lunch with a girl from Brazil named Kelly who was crew. We ate at Crew mess, since she's not allowed in mine. She talked about how bad she was treated, how long hours they worked, how nobody smiled. She talked about how she thought it was a race thing, why they were traeted differently. I'm pretty sure, though I didn't voice this to her, that it's an education thing, which really boils down to a nationality thing; those coming from third world countries can't exactly pay for the kind of top notch education that gave me my job.

I know all the codewords that the Captain and security officers speak over the loudspeakers that only we're supposed to know so that the guests don't panic when something goes wrong. I'll tell you all one day, in case you're going on a cruise and want the inside info.

When I'm not working, I am so bored. Seriously, dying here. Internet is expensive, 6 cents a minute, but it builds up. I can't read fic. I can't read my flist, I haven't since I've been here. I didn't bring any movies with me, though we have a dvd player, because it would be space-impractical. I might be happier with my life in general here if it consisted of more than going to work and then coming home, lying in my cabin and staring at the ceiling.

People stay up LATE here. All the time. They run on no sleep. Last shift ends at 2, and THEN they all start to go out to SOB or the Back Deck, which are, respectively, the crew bar and the crew nightclub. They're open 24/7. I haven't been yet, mostly because I'm exhausted and have to get up early.

I think that the rocking of the boat is what's causing my exhaustion. I'm sleepy ALL THE TIME. I pass out really quickly every night, and getting out of bed sucks. I watch tv sometimes, but the RC channel is limited. It's playing August Rush and Enchanted (in Spanish) on a loop. I've watched the former several times.

I mostly dislike Mandy. I tried to like her, I really did. But she's so... ugh. I am so frustrated with her. She's all small and British and girly and she's a bitch. No, she really is. And she's told me, several times, how she's a "laid-back roommate", but then she told me today that I can't sit on her bed. Ever. And I have top bunk, so I have to stand when I'm talking on the phone. Punched.

I talked to my mother on the phone today and just started crying. It's the first time since I've been here, I've been trying to be strong or something, I dunno. I think I will start to enjoy it a lot more in a week or two, once I'm used to everything. Right now, absolutely everything is foreign for me, and it is very uncomfortable. I keep thinking, just hang in there, a little bit longer, like I usually do in uncomfortable situations. But then I remember that it's not anywhere near over.

But I don't hate it here, I'm not unhappy. I don't mean to whine, really, I don't. I don't know how to describe how I feel. Just out of place and waiting to drop into place so that I can live normally.

Thing I'd like to know about, if someone would like to tell me:
- the U.S. election. Any new things going on? New debates, speeches?
- our CANADIAN election. Good Lord, I even missed the announcement.
- Ed Westwick. How's he looking? I bet the answer is "fucking smashing".
- everything bandom. :( I misssssss them.
- my friends and family

I got an email from Alex, one of my little brothers today, with the subject title "Tingley Rock Update", and he told me what's up in his life. And then he said he loved me. I was near tears for that one.

Anyways, I bet this internet time just cost me like, $5, so I'll sign off and go back to my bunk. I miss you, internetland. I miss you too, real world.

5:00am: "I just know we're meant to be together, so I just don't understand why you're wasting all this time when we're going to be together in the end... *long pause* Okay, you could have agreed with me there, that would have been nice."

I shit you not. New Mandy tag, by the way.

Today I got to jump off of deck two and into the Bermuda ocean for a life raft demonstration. It was really, really fun. But then after that, they outlined all the disasters that have happened to our ship and how many people died and what could happen in an emergency and all that, and I was so scared I almost cried. Holy Cunting Shit, why are you telling me this? Do you want me to lay awake in my cabin at night?

Also, my roommate Mandy came home drunk at 5:30 this morning, and called her ex-boyfriend, saying, I QUOTE, "I know you said you needed time... to see what things are with you and her, but I just... I thought we were going to be together!" and also, "I just wanted to call and say goodnight, that's all... but I know it's not my voice you want to hear." OH THE DRAMA. I will keep you all updated on this facinating saga. HONESTLY.

Ryan Ross at the MVA's; shut your adorable face! Spencer's coat! shirethief is a peach for sending me these pics via email. The rest of you are LOSE for the moment.